pat420
Im Offline Now!

pat420's Blog

Next Previous

PAGES 1|2|3|4|5|7

  • Father of the year

    Mar 17, 2011

    Father of the Year?*To see pictures click the title at the top*
     
    You may be thinking that any man would look proud after catching a large barracuda
    as he poses with the fish and his 14 year-old daughter at the marina afterwards
    .
      

      
    Then you may wonder why his daughter looks less than thrilled.
      

      
      
    14 year old Coral Wira was sitting in a boat while her father fished.
    Suddenly she saw a silver flash in the air.
    The barracuda had thrown the hook and grabbed her arm!!

    The father managed to kill the fish with a knife in the head.
      
    But Coral, needed 51 stitches.
      
    And dear old dad felt the need to pose for photos before taking her to hospital!
     

      


     
    I'm thinking his wife is going to rip him a new asshole when he gets home.


     

  • Great poem

    Mar 07, 2011

    GUNGA DIN


    You may talk o' gin and beer
    When you're quartered safe out 'ere,
    An' you're sent to penny-fights an' Aldershot it;
    But when it comes to slaughter
    You will do your work on water,
    An' you'll lick the bloomin' boots of 'im that's got it.
    Now in Injia's sunny clime,
    Where I used to spend my time
    A-servin' of 'Er Majesty the Queen,
    Of all them blackfaced crew
    The finest man I knew
    Was our regimental bhisti, Gunga Din.
        He was "Din! Din! Din!
      You limpin' lump o' brick-dust, Gunga Din!
        Hi! slippery ~hitherao~!
        Water, get it!  ~Panee lao~!                 [Bring water swiftly.]
      You squidgy-nosed old idol, Gunga Din."

    The uniform 'e wore
    Was nothin' much before,
    An' rather less than 'arf o' that be'ind,
    For a piece o' twisty rag
    An' a goatskin water-bag
    Was all the field-equipment 'e could find.
    When the sweatin' troop-train lay
    In a sidin' through the day,
    Where the 'eat would make your bloomin' eyebrows crawl,
    We shouted "Harry By!"           [Mr. Atkins's equivalent for "O brother."]
    Till our throats were bricky-dry,
    Then we wopped 'im 'cause 'e couldn't serve us all.
        It was "Din! Din! Din!
      You 'eathen, where the mischief 'ave you been?
        You put some ~juldee~ in it                             [Be quick.]
        Or I'll ~marrow~ you this minute                         [Hit you.]
      If you don't fill up my helmet, Gunga Din!"

    'E would dot an' carry one
    Till the longest day was done;
    An' 'e didn't seem to know the use o' fear.
    If we charged or broke or cut,
    You could bet your bloomin' nut,
    'E'd be waitin' fifty paces right flank rear.
    With 'is ~mussick~ on 'is back,                             [Water-skin.]
    'E would skip with our attack,
    An' watch us till the bugles made "Retire",
    An' for all 'is dirty 'ide
    'E was white, clear white, inside
    When 'e went to tend the wounded under fire!
        It was "Din! Din! Din!"
      With the bullets kickin' dust-spots on the green.
        When the cartridges ran out,
        You could hear the front-files shout,
      "Hi! ammunition-mules an' Gunga Din!"

    I shan't forgit the night
    When I dropped be'ind the fight
    With a bullet where my belt-plate should 'a' been.
    I was chokin' mad with thirst,
    An' the man that spied me first
    Was our good old grinnin', gruntin' Gunga Din.
    'E lifted up my 'ead,
    An' he plugged me where I bled,
    An' 'e guv me 'arf-a-pint o' water-green:
    It was crawlin' and it stunk,
    But of all the drinks I've drunk,
    I'm gratefullest to one from Gunga Din.
        It was "Din! Din! Din!
      'Ere's a beggar with a bullet through 'is spleen;
        'E's chawin' up the ground,
        An' 'e's kickin' all around:
      For Gawd's sake git the water, Gunga Din!"

    'E carried me away
    To where a dooli lay,
    An' a bullet come an' drilled the beggar clean.
    'E put me safe inside,
    An' just before 'e died,
    "I 'ope you liked your drink", sez Gunga Din.
    So I'll meet 'im later on
    At the place where 'e is gone --
    Where it's always double drill and no canteen;
    'E'll be squattin' on the coals
    Givin' drink to poor damned souls,
    An' I'll get a swig in hell from Gunga Din!
        Yes, Din! Din! Din!
      You Lazarushian-leather Gunga Din!
        Though I've belted you and flayed you,
        By the livin' Gawd that made you,
      You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!

     



  • Kids are great

    Feb 27, 2011

    She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?'

    'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

    * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
    'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
    'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
    * * * * * * * * * * *

    The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

    * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
    One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
    'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.
    Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
    (this is my favorite)
    * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
    He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.. After a few minutes,
    Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
    His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

    Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ...'

    * * * * * * * * * * *

< Calendar >

March 2012
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
April 2012
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     
May 2012
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031