What is Swinging?

In order to fully comprehend the opportunities for an online community catering to “The Lifestyle” it is imperative to understand what swinging actually is. Swinging is a form of recreational social sex between consenting adults, most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships. Swinging (otherwise known as “the lifestyle”) can take a variety of different forms. Although single women are generally welcome at swinging events, the degree to which single men are accepted varies from club to club. Although female bisexuality is generally accepted in the swinging community, male bisexuality is generally less accepted.

Setting up rules: Many couples set up rules for themselves so that each partner understands what is and is not acceptable. This is an excellent idea, especially for beginning couples to safeguard against hurting someone's feelings. Rules can be anything from no oral, to no pain. Whatever each partner is comfortable (or uncomfortable) with. Rules should be explained to any couple that you plan to be with, they need to know what is expected. Don't be afraid to change your rules as you experience the lifestyle more and more.

Most couples start out with a few rules, and then they change and change again. When Michael and I first started out in the lifestyle I was much more jealous than he was so our rules were... single guys were awesome ( I like my men!),  couples were a definate... but... Michael could only be with me. That’s where my comfort level was and Michael respected that without complaint or pressure. All of that changed after...no...during our first couples experience and at this point we have one simple rule. Whatever we do we do it for the benefit of our relationship. This means that we swing together and apart as long as there is some way to share the experience and we both have discussed the situation previously.

The #1 Rule of swinging:

"No means No" If you can't respect other people's wishes, or you can't voice your own, then swinging is NOT for you! No is not an insult. No may be because of a mood, a rule, or it might mean the other person (couple) is not ready. It may also mean, "No, thank you, I'm not interested." That is every swingers prerogative. It may or may not be personal. We are all adults, deal with it!

Common Rules and Etiquette:

Conversation Not all parties are going to lead straight to bed. Most people prefer to get to know each other a little. Remember, attraction isn't totally physical (Hey, stop looking down my shirt!) Remember to converse with both partners. Don't get too preoccupied with the opposite sexes' pants! If one partner doesn't feel comfortable with you, you probably won't be going home with either of them! Communication: Learn to communicate openly. Express what your wants and concerns are to other couples. It will make the experience better for both. Introductions: As silly as it may seem, don't forget to introduce people. Even if you've just met two couples, introduce them. You will seem friendly and polite, and everyone will be less confused! ;) Hands: Watch those hands. Don't be handsy. Don't grab other people, their breasts, their butts, don't pull up their skirts. Before you have had sex it's rude and after you have had sex its still rude! Being handsy makes people uncomfortable and, even worse, it make people not like you. Pushy: Don't be pushy. Let couples proceed at their own rate. If you are interested in someone simply tell them so. Ask them if they would like to get together. But don't ask them every 5 minutes. Don't call them everyday and ask to get together. This may seem an extreme example, but hopefully you get the point. It may not happen right away, but being pushy won't make it happen any faster or better!

Common Types of Swinging:

Soft swinging:

Foreplay with other partners, sometimes including oral sex but no vaginal penetration. Can add spice to a couple's relationship and allow them to have fun without the risk of disease or jealousy. Many couples start out as soft swingers as they first explore swinging. But don't think that soft swingers will always convert to full swapping.

Closed swinging:

Partners swap, but have sex in separate rooms. Closed swinging allows for a more intimate experience. Some people feel it allows them more freedom to explore and fewer interruptions of their enjoyment.

Open swinging:

Partners swap and have sex in the same room, or bed. This includes orgies and is great for exhibitionists and voyeurs, who can show off or just enjoy watching their partner play. Some people find open swinging allows for total release of the sexual desires and fantasies. It is not for the jealous or the shy!

How to Choose:

Neither style is right or wrong, it is just a matter of whatever is preferable to each couple. A complication can arise when couples are attracted to each other and one couple prefers open, one couple prefers closed and one is a soft swing couple. In this case, either the couples must compromise or decide to seek other more compatible partners.

Each couple has the right to choose the style of swinging that is right for them. Some want open and will only swing together and some will only swing closed and soft swingers generally don't allow anything else. However most swingers are willing to compromise and work around another couple's choices. If what you and the other couple want coincides, that's terrific! If not and a compromise can't be reached, keep looking for a match. We would suggest that you never make an iron clad rule about not doing one or the other and that you at least give it a try before discounting something you've never tried before - it might have some superb benefits

The Allure of swinging:

Many couples are sexually aroused at thought of having sex with multiple partners. They explore this interest, and find swinging to be the impetus to improve their relationship, both sexually and emotionally. Swinging can open up many aspects of relationships, both as friendships and romantic relationships. It is refreshing to develop open relationship with people who have similar interests and attitudes. Other couples and singles just feel that sex is a natural and enjoyable part of being human. Sex, then, is a natural part of friendship between these open-minded adults.

These are people who are really can say, "Let's just be friends" and "Friends can have sex", in the same breath. Swinging brings a lot of communication and openness to a relationship. Many couples find they are closer after they begin swinging. There is no need to keep feelings or desires to oneself. Every aspect of your feelings and preferences can be shared with your partner. They find that not only does their sexual knowledge of each other expand, but their emotional knowledge and communication ability as well. Many couple feel that sharing these intimate acts, fantasies and turn-ons with your mate is a tremendous stimulant.

Lifemate vs. Playmate

One of the first couples we were with had been in the swinging lifestyle for many years. They gave us much needed advice and guidance. They talked to us about lifemate and playmates. It's something that has stuck with us. There is one thing you should never forget as you enter this lifestyle and grow with your partner. Your spouse is your lifemate, your new friends are playmates. You have decided to build and spend your life with your spouse. Your playmates are for you to enjoy and play with. You should never try to get between your playmates, and you should never ever let your playmates get between you and your lifemate. Regarding your new found friends as playmates, highlights the fun recreational activity that swinging is.

10 Commandments of Swinging:

1.  Never attempt to break up a marriage.

2.  Always keep dates unless you give ample notice of changing circumstances.

3.  Always keep the first meeting on a "no strings attached" basis, but be prepared to  swing if it is mutually agreeable or to give an honest answer if something doesn't click.

4.  Never, under any circumstances exert pressure on a partner to swing.

5.  Restrict discussions of swinging to known swingers and interested persons seeking information.

6.  Protect the anonymity of other swingers by refraining from unauthorized "name dropping".

7.   Always maintain the highest standards of personal cleanliness and appearance.

8.  Do not engage in any unlawful activity that would discredit swingers as a group.

9.  Be friendly and warm with your swing partners, but understand that there is a type of emotional involvement, which is properly reserved for a spouse or "primary significant other."

10.  Always show respect for the personal attitudes, feelings and "hang-ups" of other swingers.

Thanks to Honey Rivers

Common Sense Guidelines for Swingers:

• Discretion - In most cases, discretion is key to participation in the Swinging Lifestyle. In many instances, you will find Swingers who choose to go by their Nickname or "Handle", rather than their first names. Be cautious when asking about personal information while talking with any Swingers. Sometimes it is improper and impolite. Let the other person volunteer information first. Also, remember that what happens at any event/club STAYS at that event/club, or amongst other Swingers.

• Drugs and Smoking - While most Swingers are drug-free, there may be a relative few who do drugs to varying degrees. It is wise to refrain and be respectful of others. As for smoking, it is always best to ask others around you first if you may smoke.

• Manners - When involved in sexual activity, you need to remember five things:

o    Respect the boundaries and wishes of any individual;

o    Never assume what any person, couple, or group enjoys or desires;

o    Always ask permission before touching, watching, or joining an activity;

o    No means No.  If someone says, "No," move on and don't take it personally;

o    ALWAYS communicate your wishes and desires before engaging in any activity.

• Debates/Arguments/Fighting - The primary reason swingers attend swinging events/clubs is to relax and have a good time. The last thing anyone wants to do is watch a fight or argument. It is always best to keep your temper, and take any issues that need to be discussed away from the view of others.

• Keep Negative Emotions in check - There may be times when someone else may anger or upset you, or when something may happen that may trigger Jealousy or another negative emotion. If this occurs, just leave the activity and walk away. Give yourself time to cool down and think and act rationally.

• Consider your actions - Just remember that we all must take responsibility for our actions. There may be times where you may lose control of yourself in the excitement of a particular activity and do something that you may later regret. Always consider your actions carefully before proceeding.

Swinging What Should I Expect?

Getting started in the Lifestyle is not an easy thing.  It is one of the most gut-wrenching decisions a person/couple will ever make.  Society has built up around us a set of traditional values that Swinging essentially disregards.  Many "Virgin Swingers" must set aside certain sexual values that they were raised with, in order to step into the Lifestyle.  They must be emotionally strong and mature, openminded, adventurous, understanding, respectful, courteous, and discreet.

For Couples, entering the Lifestyle is a huge step, and a huge risk.  First, you need to gather as much information on the Lifestyle as possible.  The information on this website is a good first step, as is purchasing any one of a number of books (listed below), or a good Swingers publication at a local adult bookstore.

Next, you need to discuss your feelings with your mate.  Test the waters in passing, first.  Make an offhand remark about "seeing something on TV about Swinging", or something to that extent.  If you feel your mate is open to the idea, sit down and have a more open discussion about each others dreams, fantasies, and concerns.  If you and your mate reach a consensus, then move on to the next step.  Otherwise, do not even think about entering the Lifestyle.

Next, if you and your mate reach an agreement to consider Swinging, examine your relationship.  Are you and your mate suffering any problems with one another?  Are you both mature and strong enough to overcome any potential jealousy that may come to light in a Swinging experience?  Always remember that Swinging enhances your relationship.  If there are any problems in your relationship, Swinging will make them worse.  If you and your mate have developed a strong and loving relationship, Swinging may improve your relationship dramatically.  The biggest problems in Swinging comes from people who are ill-prepared to step into the Lifestyle.

Finally, decide what it is you want to accomplish in the Lifestyle, sexually.  Set agreed upon limits and rules for both you and your mate to abide by, and stick with them.  As you progress into the Lifestyle, adjust those limits and rules as you both see fit, making sure to respect each other's level of comfort.

For Singles, entering the Lifestyle is much more difficult.  It is recommended that you find a partner of the opposite sex first, with an equal interest in the Lifestyle, before you enter it.  Couples almost always fare better than Singles... but not always :) there are women out there like me who are always looking for hot single guys to join us